Bad Luck Hipsters, Beards Are Over

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Writing that title was hard. Really hard. As I’m, how do you say, a self-confessed beardy. A bearder. I have a beard. It’s not very impressive, but it’s there. And it’s mainly a consequence of some pretty aggressive Arabian genes that have gifted me the face fuzz of a young Chewbacca, and the male pattern baldness of a really angry, really old Czech mechanic. But that’s a slightly different point. Because this morning I read that beards are going out of fashion. They’re done for. They’re slinging their hooks. Sorry hipsters, beards are over.

It’s True, Beards Are Over

Beards are over

So you’re probably thinking, we’ve heard of the demise of the beard before. But this time it’s serious! Super serious! That’s according to Dr. Alun Withey, who is a beard historian. We’re not entirely sure what that job entails but it sounds absolutely amazing. But in all seriousness he ran a three-year research project that had the catchy title of ‘Do Beards Matter? Facial Hair, Health and Hygiene in Britain, circa 1700-1918’. We can’t wait to get our hands on an extended copy. But basically it charts the ups and downs of beard fashion over a 218-year period, and Dr. Alun thinks we’re on the cusp of another trough for beards.

Long Live Beards?

Beards are over, long live beards
Credit: Esquire

There’s apparently already been some backlash in the US to the over-hipsterfication of the beard and its cousins (tache, goatee, mutton chops). Apparently being clean-shaven is back in the ascendency; they’ve even given these types of people a name. They’re called yuccies. Yes, yuccies. Apparently this transition back to clean-shaven gents being the norm is…rather normal. There’s historically been points over the last few hundred years where beards have reached peak fashion (in this latest iteration, at the 2013 Oscars) before dissapating. So, gents, get ready to either shave or defy fashion. We know which one we’re choosing, so put that razor down! You can take our beards, but you can’t take our freedom!

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