It’s the question we’ve all been dying to know the answer to: Is it ever OK to start shagging my labrador?
At least, that’s the question that was posed to readers in a bizarre article from British glossy magazine Tatler. Luckily, the magazine’s journalist Tibbs Jenkins has offered up her thoughts on the matter – as well as several other hypothetical sexual scenarios.
According to the article, it’s absolutely fine to sleep with step siblings because “you’re not really related.” Just be sure not to actually tell anyone. And the same goes for cousins, “especially after the fourth round of Spin the Bottle at Pony Club camp” (because absolutely everyone in Britain goes to Pony Club camp, don’t you know?)
Thankfully, the article does see sense when it comes to your brother’s wife. Unless, of course, your brother has died tragically and your body is required. Or something like that. Jenkins even used the example of Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon to suggest it’s entirely permissible. But then again, taking marriage advice from six-time married Henry VIII is never a good idea.
Moving on, the article gives the thumbs up to sleeping with your son’s friend, your best friend’s ex and your dad’s mate (as long as you’re over the age of 25). But the question we’ve all been wondering about: is it ever OK to start shagging your labrador? Alas, no. Good to know Tatler draws the line somewhere.
The reaction on social media is priceless
Unsurprisingly, Tatler, which loves to focus on everything from society parties to couture fashion and all things horrendously posh, has been the subject of much ridicule on Twitter:
The rest of us hassling about paying for Christmas and @TatlerUK giving advice on when it's ok to shag your cousin. Posh people are weird.
— Mulled Mommunist (@adi_peltz) December 9, 2015
@TatlerUK what kind of mag are you even. just wtf?
— MehKat (@Meh_Kat) December 9, 2015
It;s ok everybody, Tatler has ruled that shagging your cousin is OK pic.twitter.com/xj6DsOvh0q
— Stuart Millar (@stuartmillar159) December 9, 2015
I mean, we don’t really know what to say. We’re just super glad that someone’s finally cleared up where we should stand when it comes to human/labrador sexual relations.
Has this bizarre Tatler article cleared up some of your burning questions? Let us know in the comments below or over on our Facebook page.