The 13 Stages of Glastonbury Ticket Grief

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Entertainment

It’s the same every year. You google ‘how to get Glastonbury tickets‘, come up with a battle-plan and prepare yourself for the emotional road ahead. Feelings include intense excitement followed by fear, longing, rage. Then either the darkest disappointment known to mankind or intense ecstatic jump-around-and-shout-at-everyone-you-know joy.

Those trying for Glasto tickets are often misunderstood as moody, solemn and unpredictable individuals. This is an unfair assessment, so to help the loved ones of all involved, here’s a definitive walk-through of the emotions ticket-buyers can be expected to face.

1. Positivity

I’ll totally get Glastonbury tickets. Piece of cake.

Step 1 on how to get Glastonbury tickets: stay positive!
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2. Anticipation

Ticket page open on laptop: check. Phone: check. iPad: check!

One tip on how to get Glastonbury tickets: use every single device known to man.

3. Hope

What could go wrong? No one knows how to get Glastonbury tickets like I do.

How to get Glastonbury tickets: YOU CAN DO IT.

4. Nervousness: Stage 1 (Mild)

Oh gawwd oh gawwwd, five minutes until tickets are released, oh GAWWD.

If you're wondering how to get Glastonbury tickets: keeping your cool definitely helps
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5. Nervousness: Stage 2 (Moderate-Severe)

Mehhhh one minute. ONE MINUTE.

How to get Glastonbury tickets – be patient!
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6. Ticket-release panic

OMG IT’S TIME IT’S TIME. Refresh. Refresh. WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG TO LOAD, PAGE!

How to get Glastonbury tickets: keep refreshing the page...every second.
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7. PANIC. SHEER UTTER PANIC.

STUPID STUPID INTERNET, HURRY UP AND LOAD!!

How to get Glastonbury tickets – especially when we're having a meltdown
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8. Self doubt

Why is this happening to me? What have I done so wrong in life to deserve this?

Wondering how to get Glastonbury tickets? So are 500000 other people in the world :(
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9. Awareness of others

I wonder if other people are having problems. SURELY it isn’t just me. It CAN’T just be me.

When you're working out how to get Glastonbury tickets, everything goes mad.
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10. Temporary period of forced calm

Breathe. Just breathe. I can do this if I just RELAX.

How to get Glastonbury tickets: breathe. Just breathe.
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11. Desperation

This is the lowest point in my life. All I want are Glastonbury tickets. Is that really too much to ask?

How to get Glastonbury tickets? I can do this. I can definitely do this.
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12. Pure rage and hatred towards technology

BAHHHH!

How to get Glastonbury tickets: Chucking the computer across the room will definitely help
Credit: reactiongifs.com

13. Acceptance

Yep, I hate everyone.

How to get Glastonbury tickets? Sob until someone takes pity on you.

Are you desperately looking for different ways on how to get Glastonbury tickets? Does our depiction of the 13 stages of Glastonbury ticket grief resonate with you? You might enjoy some of our other articles, such as The Pope Is Dope and Other Funny Mistranslations, and 14 Fool-Proof Signs You Really Hate People.